New Year’s Resolutions for 2012

Here are some New Year’s Resolutions it would be nice to see some other folks keep:

The Media: We will resolve to remember that we’re journalists not cheerleaders (you heard that pejorative first from yours-truly by the way). We will resolve not to be a propaganda machine for the Socialist/Progressive/Liberal Democrat Party.

Illegal Immigrants: We will look up the word “illegal” in the dictionary – as soon as we learn to habla Ingles – and understand why the Americanos are so furious. Then we’ll study history and learn that our people wanted nothing to do with the lands north of the border, that our government couldn’t pay us to live there, and that the Texans voted to become members of the Estatos Unidos.

Greenies: We will read Shakespeare’s As You Like It and learn about the real balance between Man and his environment. Living like Fred Flintstone is about as inefficient as inefficiency gets and it’s hard on the feet.

Independent Voters: We will wake up and realize we’re being flim-flammed by the socialist progressives. We will learn the difference between doing good and feeling good. We will finally realize we’re adults not children, and that we don’t need the government to take care of us or anyone else. We will read up on American history and realize what we’re throwing away. We will listen to the Tea Party and not snicker arrogantly and then bury our heads in the sand.

Home Buyers: We will realize that not everyone can or should own a house. Houses come with many hidden expenses in addition to the mortgage. If you can’t stand the heat, rent a kitchen instead of buying one. We will also not gamble, especially with other people’s money, on adjustable rate mortgages. No one is to blame for that mess except ourselves. We knew exactly what we were doing and got what we deserved for trying to game the system. The first step in the 12-step program is admitting you have a problem.

Big Government: We resolve to go on a diet and stick to it. As the great President Ronald Reagan said, we aren’t the answer to the problem; we are the problem.

Glenn Beck: I resolve not to cry on my programs anymore. I will only cry in private. I will exercise restraint and suck up whatever I happen to be feeling at so I can deliver the information my listeners and viewers need to know. Weeping is a waste of water.

Published in: on January 4, 2012 at 8:14 am  Leave a Comment  

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