The Life of Conservative Julia

Age 3

Under her parents’ care:  Conservative Julia is enrolled in the Montessori School to help her prepare to be a good student in the future.  Because of the steps her parents, and parents like them, have taken, Julia joins thousands of students across the country who will learn early the lessons and rewards of academic discipline, ensuring they will achieve independence and success.  Her parents begin a college savings account for her future education.

Age 17

Conservative Julia, captain of the cheerleading team, president of the junior class, prom queen and volunteer with the community beautification project, takes advanced college prep courses in addition to SAT prep courses.  She takes the SATs and scores a perfect 1600.  She starts her college applications.

Age 18

Conservative Julia receives letters of acceptance from Yale, Harvard, Princeton, MIT and Stanford.  Between the various scholarships she receives from the school of her choice, as well as her college savings account, a gift from her grandparents, and money she’s earned from a part-time job, her college education is already completely paid up through graduate school.

Age 22

During college, Conservative Julia injures her ankle scoring the winning point for the Women’s Varsity Basketball Team.  She listened to her parent’s advice, and upon her majority, immediately enrolled in her own health care plan.

Age 23

Because of her accelerated course of study, Conservative Julia graduates from Harvard with a law degree, in the top 1 percentile of her class.  All doors are open to Julia; no one has to hold them for her.

Age 25

Already a successful corporate attorney, Conservative Julia and her fiancée, a junior executive in a Fortune 500 corporation, put a down-payment on their first home in an affluent suburb.  They immediately take out a life insurance policy to protect their future family and their assets.  They also become active members of the local church.

Age 27

Conservative Julia steps onto the Mommy Track, giving birth to her first daughter, Margaret.  Her firm gives her the option of working from home or taking a generous maternity leave.  Conservative Julia chooses the extended leave.

Age 31

Pregnant with her third child, and knowing that they’re well covered, Conservative Julia becomes a full-time mother.  In her spare time, she counsels clients on wills, taxes, and other legal matters, as well as volunteering for a local Congressman’s campaign.  The couple buys a larger, lakefront home.

Age 37

With two children in school and the third enrolled in Montessori School, Conservative Julia becomes concerned with books her daughter Margaret is bringing home.  Her son tells kindergarten tales of the infamous Pencil Test. Conservative Julia runs for and wins a seat on the local school board.  She is successful in replacing subversive textbooks and storybooks from the library. Conservative Julia and her husband purchase a vacation home in Florida.

Age 42

Conservative Julia opens up her own law practice in town. She hires a staff, including a young attorney just getting started.  During the summer, she campaigns for office as a state assemblywoman, and wins by a landslide.

Age 65

Conservative Julia and her husband open up trust funds for their ten grandchildren.  Now that she and her husband are retired and their children settled, they take frequent trips all over the world, and add to their growing art collection. In her spare time, Julia volunteers at the local nursing home and the public library, where she reads to children during story hour. Their favorite stories are from Aesop’s Fables, particularly The Ant and the Grasshopper.

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Published in: on May 12, 2012 at 8:53 am  Leave a Comment  

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