The Offensive Charm Offensive

 

What has gotten into the Lamestream Media lately?  And for that matter, the GOP Establishment?  Is it early Spring Fever when a young media’s brains turn to mush?  Lately, they’ve been gushing over Obama’s self-professed “Charm Offensive.”  Ever since Obama courted the doddering Liberal GOP at a White House luncheon while Rand Paul gave the greatest Conservative speech since Ronald Reagan told Gorbachev to “tear down” this wall, the Media has giddily dubbed the Offensive One “The Schmoozer-in-Chief.”

Watching it last night, I had to switch channels to something less nauseating, like The Swamp People.  At least the swamp people know a crocodile from an alligator and realize that if you get clamped in one of their jaws, there’s no difference at all.

There’s nothing “charming” about Obama.  It’s offensive to even think of him as “charming.”  He’s offensive to the last degree and if you’re offensive, it’s pretty hard to be “charming.”  That he was courting a bunch of old codgers undoubtedly suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease, forgetting who they’re supposed to be is hardly an occasion to celebrate.

Yet, judging by the Media’s glee, you’d think the Democrats and the Republicans had just announced their engagement.  Meanwhile, the Conservatives have quietly been consulting their attorneys to consider a divorce from their aged, philandering party mates.

There was even an engagement present for the Republicans sitting in another room, all wrapped up in a pretty red ribbon with bows:  the 20,000 pages of additional regulations to Obamacare.  A fearful-looking monstrosity it is, too, towering at about 6 feet.  And we thought 2,000 was bad.  Those regulations are the ad hoc invitations to the wedding of the Democrat and Republican parties.

One invitee to the wedding will be N.J. Gov. Chris Christie.  There’s a picture of him on the front page of today’s Bergen Record being “blessed” by the Rev. Michael McDuffie and St. Luke Church Pastor Kenneth D.R. Clayton at the end of the town hall meeting in Paterson.

The besotted Christie pledged to increase the taxpayer aid to cities like Paterson in the future.  He was the spoony placing the diamond engagement ring on the fiancee’s eager finger.

A friend said long ago that women changed once they got that engagement ring on their finger.  Another friend taught me about the dangers of crystals (which is what a diamond is, essentially).  She said that only a very strong, self-assured psychic could safely use a crystal ball.  The crystal acts as a sort of transmitter through which any sort of spirit can gain entry into your soul.  Humans, as a whole, she said, are too weak to distinguish between a guardian angel from Heaven and an emissary from Hell.  Women wearing those big rocks wind up having delusions of power once it’s on their finger.

The Republicans have become Samsons to the Progressive Delilahs, making compromises with a siren.  They just want to make sure everyone can afford health insurance, they plead, batting their lovely, Liberal eyes.   The Republicans roll over to these deceptive overtures, infuriating their more sensible base.

You want to make health care insurance affordable?  Then lower the bleeping price!  Stop promising the poor the moon and the stars and diamond rings and Blackberry phones with 200 minutes and free medical care for everything from hangnails to contraceptives.  That goes for the middle and upper classes as well. 

The Republicans have only to take a look at Mayor Broomberg to see what a manipulative, carping, nagging harpy they’re about to bind themselves – and us – to for as long as we  live (which won’t be long, thanks to the Death Panels, that invisible body, that skeleton in the Progressive closet that the beloved Liberals failed to mention, and in fact whose existence they denied until it was too late and the deal was closed).

The Establishment GOP has made its choice in a younger bride/groom.  They want to marry and we should grant them the divorce they obviously want.  They will consummate their union in gay marriages, abortions, and a sugarless, tasteless, non-fattening wedding cake.  They think they’re going to live happily everafter.  But as all grooms who marry high-maintenance brides, they will regret their choice within a year of the marriage and will cost them everything they have to end the “marriage.”

Meanwhile, we will have changed our names.  Even we are having problems deciding on a new party name:  Tea Party isn’t serious enough.  Conservatives object to the Libertarian label and Libertarians object to the Conservative name.  We can work that out in time, once we’ve detached ourselves from our unfaithful partners, which we’d best do soon, because like any cheating spouse, they’re spending all our shared assets courting their new partner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Published in: on March 13, 2013 at 11:55 am  Comments (1)  

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