D.C. Gets Hit by A Global Warming Blizzard, By God!

At this writing, Washington, D.C., our nation’s capital, is being whomped by one of the five worst blizzards in the city’s history. So far, they’ve gotten 16 inches of snow and there’s more to come.


Oh, if ever a city deserved to be walloped by a snowstorm, at this particular time, it’s Washington, D.C. Can you just see the justice, social and otherwise, in it?  I wonder what Obama is thinking of right (if he’s even in Washington)?  He and propagandists must have been working all night, plotting how to twist this blizzard into an example of climate change.


He’s got a few problems with that, though. It’s January.  It’s winter.  It’s cold out.  Washington has been known to get snowstorms, sometimes worse than the storms New York City experiences.  The eastern seaboard has been experiencing Gulf Stream flow weather for at least a year or more.  In this case, the jetstream slipped far down to the South, practically to the Gulf of Mexico.


But don’t worry. Obama and his minions will find a way to convince the gullible that this is all their fault for driving gasoline-powered cars.  Meanwhile, I love to imagine that God planned all this, to teach presumptuous global climatologists not to tell Him how to run his planet.


God pressed the button on his speaker-phone.


“Alexandra, dear, would you please contact the Seven and let them know I want to hold a meeting at 10 a.m.?”


Alexandra was deemed the worthiest secretary on Earth and was given prestigious position of Executive Secretary to God.


“It will be my pleasure, Sir,” she replied sweetly.


‘Heh!’ God thought. ‘Good help isn’t so hard to find after all.’


At 10 a.m., The Seven – Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Raguel, Ramiel and Sariel promptly arrived in God’s office.


“Good!” he said. “You’re all here.  I called you together because I’m quite disturbed by this constant talk of global warming and climate change.”


“Well, sir, they have made rather a mess of things down there,” Raguel reminded him.


“Oh, I know that. I’m not talking about litter or pollution.  The Americans have got in hand, at least.  The Chinese now…  But that’s not what’s bothering me,” God said, fussing with his beard.  “It’s this business of taking to forecasting my weather and criticizing it, thinking they can change it.  This has got to stop.”


“What can we do about the weather forecasts?” Sariel asked.

Gabriel laughed. “They’re always wrong anyway.”


“Yes, yes,” God said with a wave of His hand. “But it’s this Obama fellow who’s rankling My robes.  He’s going about here and there, shouting, ‘Global warming!’  and ‘Climate change!’  I’ve got to teach him a lesson, once and for all.”


Gabriel noted, “You did send that massive snowstorm to Copenhagen in 2009, after all.”


God laughed. “That was a magnificent work of genius wasn’t it?  Sending a snowstorm to a human conference on global warming!  And then they gave the fool a Nobel Prize for his ‘work’!”  He chucked merrily.  The Seven laughed, especially Uriel.


“It was amusing, Uriel, but clearly this Obama didn’t get the message,” Gabriel said.


“I’m ready anytime you are,” Uriel shot back.


“People could get hurt again,” said Raphael. “Even die.”


“Bosh! People die every day!” God scoffed.  “Gabriel tells his contacts to warn their people not to out into floods, tornadoes, and hurricanes.  Is it My fault if they don’t listen?  Anyway, I was sure that the blizzard in New Mexico and Texas would change his tune.  Texas, for heaven’s sakes!  It’s hotter than you-know-where down there.  But they still didn’t believe I did it!”


“Yet you spared the people of the Northeast, where snow and cold weather are customary,” Ramiel noted. “Why?  We didn’t think you liked New York City very much.”


“Well, no, I don’t!   It was a Christmas present to the humans in New Jersey, actually.  That Obama and those miscreants before him – Carter and Clinton – and that wicked state legislature of theirs – were responsible for New Jersey’s economic crisis.


“Thousands of people are out of work there. Some of them have had to leave their homes and move to other places, away from their families.  Others have had to beg help from the government.  I don’t want Obama helping them.  That’s MY job to help them.  By Me, I want them to look after themselves!!”  God pounded his fist on his desk.


Michael had stood by silently. “Sir?  The weather?”


“What?! Oh, yes. The weather.  That’s why called you all in here for.  I want another weather event.  I want to hit this Obama where he lives.  I want you to dump a blizzard right on top of that executive mansion in Washington, D.C.”


“What did you have in mind, sir?” Gabriel asked.


God made a map of the United States materialize.


“I want to create a high energy system right here, on the northern Pacific Coast. Bring in lots of moisture.  Then I want to lower the jet stream right down to the Gulf of Mexico.”


“It’s still there,” Gabriel reminded him.




“The jet stream; it’s still there, in the Gulf of Mexico, where you ordered it. You had requested a move, so we’ve left it there.”


“Oh, good,” God said. “I’m glad to see someone still listens to me.  The energy system will pick up lots of warm, moist air down there, then I want to send back up along the inside curve of that jet stream, combine with that other storm in the Midwest – and socko! – bury that Obama up to his big ears in snow!”


Uriel replied, “We’ll put the weather into motion immediately, sir!”


“Excellent! And Gabriel, make sure they can’t make any mistake about it this time.  I want every weather forecaster in the world to see my handiwork.  And come to think, send some of that stuff up to New York City.  I wouldn’t mind burying that ramshackle United Nations in a snowdrift.  If they think they can take over my job as Ruler of the Universe, they’ll find they’re fooling with the wrong God!  Besides, the reservoirs in that area need some moisture.  I invented the notion of ‘cold storage,’ if you’ll recall.


As it’s a weekend, none of us (who are employed) need worry about a workday commute. So enjoy the snow.  Stay home.  Don’t drive.  Take it easy when shoveling (send the teens out, if you have to do the heavy lifting).


And don’t forget to thank God, even if you’re not crazy about snow, or at least shoveling it. This is just His way of telling Obama to shovel it (climate change).



Published in: on January 23, 2016 at 3:45 pm  Leave a Comment  

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