According to an article in People magazine, the late Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher didn’t take sexual harassment lying down.
Fisher’s longtime friend, Heather Ross, “opened up to a Tucson, Arizona, radio station 94.9 MixFM about her own experiences with sexual assault and harassment in Hollywood, in the wake of the allegations leveled at producer Harvey Weinstein.
“Ross revealed,” the article states, “that an unnamed Oscar-winning producer (not Weinstein) had invited her for dinner and, when he picked her up, he pulled the car over and climbed in on top of her, pinning her to the seat. Ross managed to push the producer off her but as she fled, he said, “You’ll never make a movie in my town and get the F out of my car,”, she told the radio show.
“When Ross confided in her friend Fisher, the late actress took matters into her own hands.
“About two weeks later, she sent me a message online and she said, ‘I just saw [blank] at Sony Studios,” Ross said. “I knew he would probably be there, so I went to his office and personally delivered a Tiffany box wrapped with a white bow.”
Ross continued, “I asked her what was inside and she said, ‘It was a cow tongue from Jerry’s Famous Deli in Westwood with a note that said, ‘If you ever touch my darling Heather or any other woman again, the next delivery will be something of yours in a much smaller box!’”
Now that’s how you handle an octopus. It’s unlikely that producer ever bothered Ross or any other female acquaintance of Fisher’s again. No useless pleading with the offender, no pretty speeches before adoring, feminist audiences, no panel discussions on women’s talk shows.
Various schools of though exist on how to handle such men. You might be able to talk your way out of a potentially dangerous situation as my mother did when she was young. It was the holiday office party. Mom had had enough. The participants had become too inebriated and she decided to go home.
In those days, the elevators had elevator operators. This elevator operator was a huge man. He stopped the car at midfloor, cornered Mom in the elevator, planted his Popeye-sized arms above her and requested a kiss.
“How ‘bout a Christmas kiss?”
Mom was fairly tall for a woman, but this gorilla still towered above her. There was no escape.
“Oh,” she demurred. “It’s been such a long day and I’m so tired. How about another time?”
He thought it over and took his beefy arms away
“Okay, E.” he said, and restarted the elevator.
Mom was accustomed to seeing her father beat her mother. Once, she threw herself in front of her mother when Grandpa was about the throw a leaden glass bowl at her. On her wedding night, she warned my 6’2” father, a World War II veteran, that he ever hit her, he had better sleep with one eye open.
“Because,” she announced. “I’m going to have a knife under my pillow and I will kill you. But first, I’m going to wake you up because I want you to know who it was who got you.”
Many women of her generation were trained not to resist such men. But then, they were coached not to entertain ungentlemanly men in the first place (my grandmother must have missed that lesson). They were also taught that if a man hit them, they probably deserved it. Gentlemen were taught that it was unmanly to hit a woman, no matter the provocation.
No gentleman would think of taking advantage of a woman. The world was filled with cads, though, and as women were generally believed unable to fend one off, she didn’t travel without a male relative or good friend. Those who knew how to handle one could take care of themselves.
For those who could not fend for themselves, life could be a nightmare. One of Mom’s friends, whose husband was an executive, found her husband was a monster who once held her and the children at knifepoint in their house. Finally, they slipped the youngest girl out the kitchen window to run for help. After her divorce, she became a wildly successful real estate agent.
Other girls suffered their fates silently and apparently willingly. The girl in the green car was one such notable tragedy. The girl in the green car was famous all over campus. A beautiful girl with long, curly blonde hair and a willowy figure, any guy on campus would have been proud to have this lovely woman on his arm.
Instead, she chose a tall, good-looking athletic type. It’s always best to stick with your own kind, more or less, when it comes to looks. This type however would get her into his green car and proceed to pummel her, always in full view of some part of the campus.
Sometimes it was on what we called “The Airstrip” a very long parking lot on the west side of the campus. We were in the midst of a Murder and Detective Literature class discussing, of all literary characters, James Bond, when the teacher found he no longer had the attention of the class.
He turned to find the spectacle of the Girl in the Green Car taking place down below in the airstrip. Who was the girl? Who was the guy? Why did she stay with him? Why didn’t somebody do something?
“We’ve tried,” the men in the class told him. “But he locks the car doors and we can’t get to him. We’d sure like to.”
“And she won’t get out of the car,” I added. During one beating, the campus men were actually threatening to break the windows if he didn’t stop. But our valiant campus police warned them that if they broke the window, they would be arrested for destruction of private property. There was nothing they could do if the girl refused to leave the car.
I approached the car and tried to reason with the beauty.
“Just get out of the car,” I said. “We’ll help you. Just unlock the door and get out. You don’t have to stay with him.”
“Shut up!” the boor shouted.
“The door isn’t locked; just get out!”
The guy hadn’t noticed the unlocked door. He leaned over and slammed it down. It didn’t matter. She’d already shook her head sadly. The creep started the car and screeched off down the road.
For myself, though I tell the story reluctantly, as an older teenager who had recently joined the local community band, I found it difficult to fend off all the arms that constantly finding their way around my shoulder. I tolerated it, so long as the hands didn’t get any busier.
But there was one old goat who just wouldn’t take “no” for answer. He went way beyond the friendly arm around the shoulder. His arm was usually around my waist and I had much to do to writhe myself from his grasp. I was no sooner free than he got hold of my arm, dragging me back again.
I found myself in the ridiculous situation of a tug-of-war around the parking lot, with all the band’s men laughing merrily. One of the women scolded me because it was a “man’s” band (they’d only recently allowed female musicians to join) and if I wanted to “belong” I had to accept certain behavior.
Flabbergasted, I concluded that no one was going to help me. Now he had me again, both his arms around my waist. His old goat lips were pursed in kissing mode. Like hell. The fire was in my eye. Since his hands were around my waist, mine were free. I put them up to his neck.
Thinking success was near, he pulled me even closer. My hands went around his throat like a magnet – and I squeezed. Hard. Harder. And harder. At last, he had to let go because he was choking.
I let go. His hands went to his own throat as he gasped and choked. His face was turning an interesting shade of pale blue, although the color was coming back. The band members were outraged – with me! A 19-year-old flibbertigibbet who didn’t know when someone was just having “fun” with her.
“Belle!” they cried angrily. “You were choking him!!”
Indeed. He needed a good throttling. Not all of the guys were “handy;” they were perfect gentlemen. The ones who weren’t – well, after that, they made sure to ask my permission before putting an arm around my shoulder – and those hands never went further.
The old goat complained for months that he didn’t understand what he had done wrong – and that I was crazy. Whatever. He never touched me again.
There are, of course, your perfect strangers who not only don’t care if you say, “No,” they consider it an invitation. In those situations, there’s one only thing a girl can do – call for help. Or in my case, “Arthur!”
I’ve told this story before, but I’ll repeat it here once more for emphasis. I was in the college parking lot; it was my graduation day. I had gone ahead of my family to go to the gathering place for graduates. A strange man approached me.
“Where ya goin’, girly?” he sneered. Girly?
I assessed the situation, and yelled, “ARTHUR!!” at the top of my lungs.
“’Arthur?’” the creep scoffed.
In the meantime, my irritated younger brother had replied, “What?!” I turned to see my family approaching, with 6’4” ‘Arthur’ in the lead. By the time, I turned back to my accoster, Arthur was towering behind me.
The creep cringed.
“Yeah,” I said. “’Arthur.’”
Stumbling over his feet, the creep ran backwards for a moment, then pounded pavement in the direction of the road, the same way the Guy in the Green Car made his escape. Arthur laughed.
“Who’s your friend and what’s his hurry?”
“Do you know that guy?” my other brother asked. The guy was still running, his arms and legs turning in wild circles. He thought I’d turned away a potential suitor.
Chivalry and prayer do work sometimes. Keep that mental image in your minds, girls. If I were an artist, I’d draw or paint it for you.
A friend’s pre-teen daughter was being bothered by the boys at school. A pretty young lady with long, silky dark hair, the boys had given themselves permission to stroke it. One day, the young lady had enough, grabbed hold of a boy’s finger and bent it backwards until it broke.
Society frowns upon such “unladylike” behavior. But if society will not protect us, or cannot protect us in the case of strange rakes and determined perverts, then we must protect ourselves. We must not be overwhelmed by the notion of male strength, except in the direst cases.
Those dire situations can be avoided, with a little more caution and prudence. While we must not be overwhelmed by male prowess, we should neither kid ourselves in our right or ability to go where we want, when we want, as women. They are stronger than we are (well for the most part).
Bad things can (and often do) happen to women (and even men) who go walking down dark alleys, deserted streets, and empty parks. There is safety in numbers. Still, “clubbing” until the wee hours of the morning brings on the prospect of unfortunate consequences, and not necessarily from your pick-up. Late-night partiers are prey for late-night predators.
If women insist upon the full rights of emancipation, then they must be prepared to defend themselves, as smart women always have. Last night, Oprah Winfrey spoke of telling men that their “time’s up.” However, today, Facebook and Twitter are full of pictures of the Big O consorting with none other than Harvey Weinstein himself, and even offering up pretty girls to him as bait.
Yet her followers want her to run for President in 2020. That would certainly give new meaning to the phrase, “Madam President.”
Women have always had the power to protect themselves. They don’t need a social consensus. All they need is to get their hands around the problem – and apply pressure.
Or a box from Tiffany’s.
How to Handle an Octopus
According to an article in People magazine, the late Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher didn’t take sexual harassment lying down.
Fisher’s longtime friend, Heather Ross, “opened up to a Tucson, Arizona, radio station 94.9 MixFM about her own experiences with sexual assault and harassment in Hollywood, in the wake of the allegations leveled at producer Harvey Weinstein.
“Ross revealed,” the article states, “that an unnamed Oscar-winning producer (not Weinstein) had invited her for dinner and, when he picked her up, he pulled the car over and climbed in on top of her, pinning her to the seat. Ross managed to push the producer off her but as she fled, he said, “You’ll never make a movie in my town and get the F out of my car,”, she told the radio show.
“When Ross confided in her friend Fisher, the late actress took matters into her own hands.
“About two weeks later, she sent me a message online and she said, ‘I just saw [blank] at Sony Studios,” Ross said. “I knew he would probably be there, so I went to his office and personally delivered a Tiffany box wrapped with a white bow.”
Ross continued, “I asked her what was inside and she said, ‘It was a cow tongue from Jerry’s Famous Deli in Westwood with a note that said, ‘If you ever touch my darling Heather or any other woman again, the next delivery will be something of yours in a much smaller box!’”
Now that’s how you handle an octopus. It’s unlikely that producer ever bothered Ross or any other female acquaintance of Fisher’s again. No useless pleading with the offender, no pretty speeches before adoring, feminist audiences, no panel discussions on women’s talk shows.
Various schools of though exist on how to handle such men. You might be able to talk your way out of a potentially dangerous situation as my mother did when she was young. It was the holiday office party. Mom had had enough. The participants had become too inebriated and she decided to go home.
In those days, the elevators had elevator operators. This elevator operator was a huge man. He stopped the car at midfloor, cornered Mom in the elevator, planted his Popeye-sized arms above her and requested a kiss.
“How ‘bout a Christmas kiss?”
Mom was fairly tall for a woman, but this gorilla still towered above her. There was no escape.
“Oh,” she demurred. “It’s been such a long day and I’m so tired. How about another time?”
He thought it over and took his beefy arms away
“Okay, E.” he said, and restarted the elevator.
Mom was accustomed to seeing her father beat her mother. Once, she threw herself in front of her mother when Grandpa was about the throw a leaden glass bowl at her. On her wedding night, she warned my 6’2” father, a World War II veteran, that he ever hit her, he had better sleep with one eye open.
“Because,” she announced. “I’m going to have a knife under my pillow and I will kill you. But first, I’m going to wake you up because I want you to know who it was who got you.”
Many women of her generation were trained not to resist such men. But then, they were coached not to entertain ungentlemanly men in the first place (my grandmother must have missed that lesson). They were also taught that if a man hit them, they probably deserved it. Gentlemen were taught that it was unmanly to hit a woman, no matter the provocation.
No gentleman would think of taking advantage of a woman. The world was filled with cads, though, and as women were generally believed unable to fend one off, she didn’t travel without a male relative or good friend. Those who knew how to handle one could take care of themselves.
For those who could not fend for themselves, life could be a nightmare. One of Mom’s friends, whose husband was an executive, found her husband was a monster who once held her and the children at knifepoint in their house. Finally, they slipped the youngest girl out the kitchen window to run for help. After her divorce, she became a wildly successful real estate agent.
Other girls suffered their fates silently and apparently willingly. The girl in the green car was one such notable tragedy. The girl in the green car was famous all over campus. A beautiful girl with long, curly blonde hair and a willowy figure, any guy on campus would have been proud to have this lovely woman on his arm.
Instead, she chose a tall, good-looking athletic type. It’s always best to stick with your own kind, more or less, when it comes to looks. This type however would get her into his green car and proceed to pummel her, always in full view of some part of the campus.
Sometimes it was on what we called “The Airstrip” a very long parking lot on the west side of the campus. We were in the midst of a Murder and Detective Literature class discussing, of all literary characters, James Bond, when the teacher found he no longer had the attention of the class.
He turned to find the spectacle of the Girl in the Green Car taking place down below in the airstrip. Who was the girl? Who was the guy? Why did she stay with him? Why didn’t somebody do something?
“We’ve tried,” the men in the class told him. “But he locks the car doors and we can’t get to him. We’d sure like to.”
“And she won’t get out of the car,” I added. During one beating, the campus men were actually threatening to break the windows if he didn’t stop. But our valiant campus police warned them that if they broke the window, they would be arrested for destruction of private property. There was nothing they could do if the girl refused to leave the car.
I approached the car and tried to reason with the beauty.
“Just get out of the car,” I said. “We’ll help you. Just unlock the door and get out. You don’t have to stay with him.”
“Shut up!” the boor shouted.
“The door isn’t locked; just get out!”
The guy hadn’t noticed the unlocked door. He leaned over and slammed it down. It didn’t matter. She’d already shook her head sadly. The creep started the car and screeched off down the road.
For myself, though I tell the story reluctantly, as an older teenager who had recently joined the local community band, I found it difficult to fend off all the arms that constantly finding their way around my shoulder. I tolerated it, so long as the hands didn’t get any busier.
But there was one old goat who just wouldn’t take “no” for answer. He went way beyond the friendly arm around the shoulder. His arm was usually around my waist and I had much to do to writhe myself from his grasp. I was no sooner free than he got hold of my arm, dragging me back again.
I found myself in the ridiculous situation of a tug-of-war around the parking lot, with all the band’s men laughing merrily. One of the women scolded me because it was a “man’s” band (they’d only recently allowed female musicians to join) and if I wanted to “belong” I had to accept certain behavior.
Flabbergasted, I concluded that no one was going to help me. Now he had me again, both his arms around my waist. His old goat lips were pursed in kissing mode. Like hell. The fire was in my eye. Since his hands were around my waist, mine were free. I put them up to his neck.
Thinking success was near, he pulled me even closer. My hands went around his throat like a magnet – and I squeezed. Hard. Harder. And harder. At last, he had to let go because he was choking.
I let go. His hands went to his own throat as he gasped and choked. His face was turning an interesting shade of pale blue, although the color was coming back. The band members were outraged – with me! A 19-year-old flibbertigibbet who didn’t know when someone was just having “fun” with her.
“Belle!” they cried angrily. “You were choking him!!”
Indeed. He needed a good throttling. Not all of the guys were “handy;” they were perfect gentlemen. The ones who weren’t – well, after that, they made sure to ask my permission before putting an arm around my shoulder – and those hands never went further.
The old goat complained for months that he didn’t understand what he had done wrong – and that I was crazy. Whatever. He never touched me again.
There are, of course, your perfect strangers who not only don’t care if you say, “No,” they consider it an invitation. In those situations, there’s one only thing a girl can do – call for help. Or in my case, “Arthur!”
I’ve told this story before, but I’ll repeat it here once more for emphasis. I was in the college parking lot; it was my graduation day. I had gone ahead of my family to go to the gathering place for graduates. A strange man approached me.
“Where ya goin’, girly?” he sneered. Girly?
I assessed the situation, and yelled, “ARTHUR!!” at the top of my lungs.
“’Arthur?’” the creep scoffed.
In the meantime, my irritated younger brother had replied, “What?!” I turned to see my family approaching, with 6’4” ‘Arthur’ in the lead. By the time, I turned back to my accoster, Arthur was towering behind me.
The creep cringed.
“Yeah,” I said. “’Arthur.’”
Stumbling over his feet, the creep ran backwards for a moment, then pounded pavement in the direction of the road, the same way the Guy in the Green Car made his escape. Arthur laughed.
“Who’s your friend and what’s his hurry?”
“Do you know that guy?” my other brother asked. The guy was still running, his arms and legs turning in wild circles. He thought I’d turned away a potential suitor.
Chivalry and prayer do work sometimes. Keep that mental image in your minds, girls. If I were an artist, I’d draw or paint it for you.
A friend’s pre-teen daughter was being bothered by the boys at school. A pretty young lady with long, silky dark hair, the boys had given themselves permission to stroke it. One day, the young lady had enough, grabbed hold of a boy’s finger and bent it backwards until it broke.
Society frowns upon such “unladylike” behavior. But if society will not protect us, or cannot protect us in the case of strange rakes and determined perverts, then we must protect ourselves. We must not be overwhelmed by the notion of male strength, except in the direst cases.
Those dire situations can be avoided, with a little more caution and prudence. While we must not be overwhelmed by male prowess, we should neither kid ourselves in our right or ability to go where we want, when we want, as women. They are stronger than we are (well for the most part).
Bad things can (and often do) happen to women (and even men) who go walking down dark alleys, deserted streets, and empty parks. There is safety in numbers. Still, “clubbing” until the wee hours of the morning brings on the prospect of unfortunate consequences, and not necessarily from your pick-up. Late-night partiers are prey for late-night predators.
If women insist upon the full rights of emancipation, then they must be prepared to defend themselves, as smart women always have. Last night, Oprah Winfrey spoke of telling men that their “time’s up.” However, today, Facebook and Twitter are full of pictures of the Big O consorting with none other than Harvey Weinstein himself, and even offering up pretty girls to him as bait.
Yet her followers want her to run for President in 2020. That would certainly give new meaning to the phrase, “Madam President.”
Women have always had the power to protect themselves. They don’t need a social consensus. All they need is to get their hands around the problem – and apply pressure.
Or a box from Tiffany’s.